This is a poem to you, Fred,
Whom I have tried to control a thousand ways.
You retreated into an unreachable place
To escape my manipulations,
Athlete’s body running away
From my need to be enmeshed.
A part of you needed that, too,
But a part of me always trusted
That you would not be controlled,
Could not be pinned down,
A mountain man, you left me to my plains-ness
And my freedom.
No one can control another:
That you have taught me well.
You have led me on many adventures,
Exploring the space of our glorious planet home.
Now I would be your partner on
Adventures of the spirit,
Exploring the inner world.
Let us continue our quest side by side
In every realm possible.
Let us go forth with courage
To finish the journey we began in love,
As children,
My husband, Fred.
I wrote this poem as a gift to Fred after the Twelve Steps saved our lives and our marriage. I took a cautious approach to life, and depended on Fred for adventure. Life with him was never boring, on any level.
This poem introduces the chapter in my book that recounts the longest day of my life, beginning with my last chemotherapy treatment and ending after midnight in the Fresno Trauma Center where Fred was taken after he fell from a ladder and suffered a cerebral hemorhhage. One step at a time got me through the devastating day, grateful for Suzanne, who saved her dad's life, for friends, who went to the hospital with me, and for our sons, who showed up as soon as they could get there, allowing me to collapse.
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