Fraidy Cat

Fear led me to this foolish act of bravado.
Standing on the steep edge of a meteor crater,
 Knuckles white on my handlebars,
Ears red with shame brought on by truth:
My brother Joe's taunt: "Fraidy Cat!"

My belly a block of ice,
Eyelids weighted down,
World around me darkened
And out of focus,
I took the plunge.

Whatever pain or loss awaiting me
Couldn't be as unbearable as
The shame of being what I was:
A Fraidy Cat.
Only exhilaration followed.

Yesterday was my wedding anniversary, the third since Fred died, the 55th since our wedding. This morning I realized that I'd avoided thinking about it, barely acknowledging it all day, out of fear of the grief it would bring up. So the grief surfaced this morning. Just as exhilaration followed my plunge into the meteor crater near Odessa, Texas, when I was nine, gratitude and creativity followed my plunge into the truth of my emotions this morning. Thank you, dear Wisdom.